Becoming Someone Who Could: What the Messy Middle Teaches Us About Success
- Alison Nissen
- Feb 4
- 4 min read
We tend to talk about success as if it arrives all at once.
A breakthrough.
A promotion.
A finish line that finally confirms we’ve made it.
But most meaningful lives aren’t shaped in moments of arrival. They’re shaped in the middle—in the long stretch between intention and outcome, when progress feels slow and clarity is incomplete.
That’s where formation happens.
Over time, I’ve noticed that what looks like success is usually built long before it’s visible—through long stretches of unremarkable faithfulness. It takes shape through small, repeated practices that subtly compound, not all at once and not without interruption.
Researchers across psychology, education, and leadership describe growth this way—not as a single defining moment, but as a steady accumulation of choices. What follows aren’t steps to optimize your life, but patterns echoed in both research and lived experience—patterns that shape who we become long before success is visible.
We Don’t Choose Every Circumstance—But We Do Choose Our Response
Psychologist Viktor Frankl famously observed that even when circumstances are stripped away, the ability to choose one’s response remains (Frankl, 1959).
We don’t get to choose every disruption, diagnosis, or detour.
Life has a way of rearranging plans without asking permission. The illusion of control fades quickly when we’re faced with circumstances we didn’t anticipate or invite.
But even then, something remains within reach: how we respond.
A well-lived life isn’t built by waiting for perfect conditions. It’s built by making thoughtful decisions in imperfect ones—decisions rooted in clarity, values, and responsibility rather than convenience.
This isn’t about denying hardship. It’s about recognizing that response still matters, even when choice feels limited.
Change Grows Through Small, Repeated Decisions
We often expect change to announce itself.
But it rarely does.
Research in behavioral psychology consistently shows that lasting change is more likely to come from small, repeated actions than from dramatic overhauls. BJ Fogg’s work on behavior design emphasizes that tiny behaviors, repeated consistently, create more durable change than motivation alone (Fogg, 2019).
Change happens through small, repeated decisions: what you return to, what you follow through on, what you don’t abandon when it becomes inconvenient.
Those decisions may feel insignificant in isolation, but over time, they subtly set the direction of your life. Long before results are visible, patterns are forming. Habits are being established. A trajectory is taking shape.
That’s the part we tend to underestimate—not the dream, but the daily return to it.
Consistency Reveals What We Truly Value
Is consistency flashy?
No.
It doesn’t announce itself or demand attention. It simply shows up again.
Studies on habit formation suggest that consistency matters more than intensity. Phillippa Lally and her colleagues (2010) found that habits form through repeated behavior over time, rather than through willpower alone.
Over time, consistency reveals what we actually value—not what we say we value. Our calendars, routines, and follow-through tell a more honest story than our intentions ever could.
Consistency isn’t about perfection. It’s about alignment. When our actions repeatedly reflect our values, trust begins to form—with others and with ourselves.
This kind of reliability becomes the scaffolding for growth.
Persistence Is Consistency Under Pressure
Most people don’t stop because they aren’t capable.
They stop when the weight lasts longer than expected.That moment is where persistence is formed.
Psychologist Angela Duckworth describes persistence as sustained effort over time, especially when progress feels slow or invisible (Duckworth et al., 2007). Persistence isn’t fueled by constant motivation; it’s sustained by commitment.
Persistence happens when consistency is tested by fatigue, disappointment, grief, or delay. It isn’t about pushing harder or forcing outcomes.
It’s about staying longer.
It’s about choosing not to quit.
Persistence doesn’t look impressive while it’s happening. But it shapes resilience, depth, and endurance—qualities that can’t be rushed or manufactured.
Success Is Who You Become, Not Where You Arrive
We talk about success as if it’s a destination.
But success isn’t arrival.
History, leadership, and creative work are full of examples of people whose contributions were shaped over decades, not moments—writers who revised endlessly, leaders who endured years of obscurity, innovators whose “overnight success” followed long seasons of unseen effort.
Success is the formation that happens when you keep choosing wisely, staying consistent, and persisting through the middle. The work may end—but becoming doesn’t.
And here’s the reframe we often miss: persistence isn’t just effort—it’s often where joy is found. Not the kind that announces itself, but the deep satisfaction of alignment. The joy of becoming someone who can carry responsibility, growth, and meaning with steadiness.
The Quiet Work Still Matters
The messy middle doesn’t get much attention. It’s rarely celebrated and often misunderstood.
But it’s where lives are shaped.
If you find yourself there—uncertain, unfinished, still becoming—know this: the small choices you make today matter more than you think. They are building something solid, even when progress feels invisible.
This is the work of holding a vivid vision, taking aligned action, embracing growth, and—perhaps most overlooked—celebrating the joy found along the way.
Over time, that work may become the reason you’re able to say, honestly and without fanfare, that something hard was finished—and that you became someone who could.
References (APA-style, starter list)
Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. R. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(6), 1087–1101.
Fogg, B. J. (2019). Tiny habits: The small changes that change everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Frankl, V. E. (1959). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press.
Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009.
REVEL COMPANIES
Helping organizations create winning cultures to achieve results.
Masterminds Enrolling Now!
About the author: As the co-founder and Chief Storytelling Officer of Revel Coach, a career growth platform, Alison Nissen helps leaders perfect their business pitches and online presence through storytelling. Successful executives use key storytelling points to engage their audience and gain market share because they know good storytelling is the best form of marketing, recruiting, and fundraising. Write Your Book NOW! Mastermind enrolling now.
The Revel Coach™ Blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not mental health, financial, business or legal advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any medical, mental or emotional condition. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content.
