What Happens When EQ Goes Out the Window, And How to Course Correct
- Marcy Stoudt
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
After three days on the road (client meetings, airport delays, and hotel coffee), I was ready for home.
In my mind, I’d walk in, drop my bags, hug the kids, and finally exhale.
Instead, I opened the door to total chaos.
Shoes everywhere. Dishes stacked high. Dogs barking. Kids on screens.
Before I even set my purse down, I snapped with a classic mom guilt trip:
“Does anyone do anything around here when I’m gone?”
My words were sharp, my tone was worse, and the energy in the room dropped instantly.
That night, lying in bed replaying the scene, I had to laugh at myself a little.
I talk about emotional intelligence (EQ) all the time — self-awareness, regulation, empathy — yet in that moment…none of it showed up.
And that’s the truth about EQ.
Mastering it isn’t a destination you reach and stay.
It’s an art. A skill you lean on to live a more intentional life – one with less stress and more connection (aka the ultimate goal!).
So I replayed the night, not to judge myself, but to imagine what might have been different if I had applied each of the five components of emotional intelligence in real time.
1. Self-Awareness: Recognize the Real Trigger (Emphasis on Real)
My reaction wasn’t really about the mess. It was about me.
I was tired, stretched too thin, and walking in with my stress already overflowing.
If I had paused for even a moment to ask, “What energy am I about to bring into this house?”, the whole evening could have taken a different turn.
2. Self-Regulation: Choose the Pause
In the real version, frustration and a knee-jerk reaction ran the show.
In the better version, I would have taken a beat (and a breath) before speaking.
Self-regulation doesn’t mean you ignore what you feel. It means you take ownership of how you express it.
A calm, “Hey, can we get things picked up before dinner?” would have carried the same message, but without the emotional debris that came after.
3. Social Skills: Connection Before Correction
When I walked in, I saw clutter and chaos, not people.
It’s easy to lead with criticism when we’re tired, but leadership — and parenting — work best when we start with connection.
A simple, “Hey team, how was everyone’s day?” would have opened space for conversation and understanding of their context too before correction.
Connection doesn’t replace accountability; it earns it.
4. Empathy: Look Beneath the Behavior
Later that night, when I finally calmed down enough to listen, I learned what I had missed.
One of my kids had just walked in the door.
Another was stressed about tryouts.
And the third had failed a science test earlier that day.
Empathy is understanding that behavior always has a backstory.
If I had taken a moment to see beyond the surface, I might have realized they weren’t being disrespectful, they were just overwhelmed in their own ways, too.
5. Motivation: Lead Yourself First
The next morning, I apologized.
Not because my point was wrong, but because my approach was.
That’s intrinsic motivation — the desire to do better simply because you can.
Motivation isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up again with intention, learning from the moments you wish you’d handled differently, and leading from the inside out.
The Takeaway
That night reminded me that emotional intelligence isn’t something you know — it’s something you practice.
Some days you show up centered. Some days you lose your cool in a messy kitchen.
But each moment is another chance to pause, reconnect, and begin again.
Because EQ isn’t about staying calm all the time — it’s about staying conscious.
And when we do, we create what truly matters most:
a life with less stress, more connection, and the grace to keep growing.
Journal Prompts & Reflection Questions
If this story resonated with you, take an extra moment to consider these reflection questions:
What happens when you take your stress or mood into your next meeting, conversation, or moment? Play it out.
What are your tells: how do you know when you’re off balance?
What energized me today? What drained me? What’s one thing I can reset before tomorrow?
Think of a time you had to pause before reacting. What helped?
What’s one action you’ll take this week to practice EQ?
REVEL COMPANIES
Helping organizations create winning cultures to achieve results.
Masterminds Enrolling Now!
Marcy Stoudt is a seasoned sales leader dedicated to shaping the future of talent acquisition and executive coaching. As the founder of Revel Search and Revel Coach, Marcy collaborates with corporate clients to develop innovative strategies for attracting, advancing, and retaining top-tier talent.
During her 22 years at Allegis Group, Marcy was TEKsystems's first female Vice President. She led a team of 300 producers and delivered four consecutive years of revenue results at 18% CAGR, averaging $320 million annually. While at MarketSource, she established the Customer Experience Strategy for the Target Mobile outsourced sales team at 1,540 Target locations, fostering executive-level relationships with Target and Apple.
The Revel Coach™ Blog is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not mental health, financial, business or legal advice. The information presented here is not intended to diagnose, treat, heal, cure or prevent any medical, mental or emotional condition. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content.
